Friday, April 04, 2008

My little prince, addicted to lotions and creams! I always give big J a foot massage when he gets home from work. Well today I left the bottle of foot lotion on the bed and of course my sneaky little guy got to it! I go into the room and find his hands full of cream and he is running those cream filled hands through his hair! This isn't the first time he has gotten into our creams and lotions. And every time he does he puts the stuff in his hair... and he has LOTS of hair! I guess he does it because when I fix his hair I always put hair cream to calm down the curls a little. It makes me laugh to see him do this and I know he is trying to become independent and take care of himself. He is growing up so fast!

I've been thinking a lot about my childhood dreams lately. I guess because I'm trying to jump start my career as a writer, these thoughts of what could have been have dominated my thinking these past few days.

I have always loved writing. It never mattered if it was creative, journaling or reporting. As a child my favorite assignments in
school revolved around writing and reading. I can remember writing extra assignments if I liked a particular creative writing assignment in Junior High. I would expand the story for my own enjoyment. I would start research assignments months before they were due. I even kept a diary. Writing was such a big part of my existence as a child.

When I got to high school my ambitions changed and I wanted to be a doctor. I took all the scienc and math classes offered. I was in a program called Medical Science. But still my heart
yearned to write. I struggled in my math and advanced science classes but excelled in my English classes.

By the end of High School I was so down on myself because I didn't think I could become a doctor due to my struggles with math and science. I started out at NYU as a pre-med student but once it was time to declare a major I found my way back to writing and became a journalism major. I also minored in English Education.

But somehow I convinced myself I wasn't
talented enough to make it as a writer. I lost faith in myself and decided to work behind the scenes in the publishing industry. I spent 10 years doing production work and never thought about persuing a career in writing until now.

Life takes some interesting turns. I thought I would be a successful career woman, balancing motherhood and work. When it was just Jpuff I was able to do that. But I didn't feel fulfilled. Something was missing.

Having the two boys back to back changed my focus. As a family we decided I would stay home after unsuccessfully trying to return to work with a kid in kindergarten, a newborn and another one on the way. Now Jpuff is in first grade and my little boys are toddlers. Even though it is hectic, staying home to raise them has also let me slow down and refocus my priorities. I have explored so many work from home options but writing is calling to me again. That dream remained in my heart and I truly believe it is a promise from God that I will succeed in this path, a path I started as a
child and have now returned to.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Have you ever seen the Ikea commercial where the Mom gives herself a timeout? The kids are fighting and the Mom announces that someone needs a time out. She proceeds to march herself into the bedroom, closes the door and sits on a lounger to have a "time out".
That commercial made me smile and at the same time yearn for my own time out. I love my babies but there are days were I would like just five minutes of peace. The chaos, the fighting and the mess are so overwhelming at times. I find myself standing in the middle of the living room amongst the mess with one baby in my arms, another wrapped around my leg and my daughter talking non-stop. That's when I feel a scream bubbling up, wanting to escape!
However at night when they are asleep and look like little angels a part of me misses the craziness. I enjoy the silence but can't help kissing their sweet little faces and I wait for the morning to start the "madness" all over again.

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